OGR 2 - FSTS
From Script to Screen OGR 2 by Eleanor 'Nelly' Luckett on Scribd
Storyboard by Eleanor 'Nelly' Luckett on Scribd
Lusus Naturae Script by Eleanor 'Nelly' Luckett on Scribd
@phil Cone of congency
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OGR 09/02/2018
ReplyDeleteHey Nelly - okay, so your story is more linear now and achievable within the run time. I'm not sure you need all that dialogue - or rather the dialogue you do have isn't quite doing the job your story requires; isn't the point that this Toy Hospital has suddenly seen this huge intake of mutilated toys, so when the rabbit arrives it's not so much 'what did this to this rabbit?' and more 'We've got another one! What's doing this?' The arrival of the rabbit is the inciting incident - it's the 'last straw', thus inspiring the doctor to take matters into his own hands. I reckon you could cut a lot of the dialogue and achieve what you need to do visually - so rabbit arrives missing his arm; we're shown all the other patients - close-ups on their damage etc - Nurse says, 'Dr! We've got another one!' Doctor says, 'That's it! I've seen enough!' Nurse says, 'What are you going to do?' Doctor says, 'Something's out there - beyond the wall'. Nurse says, 'But doctor, you can't!" Doctor says, 'I must!'... something like that - get things up and running really fast.
In terms of your storyboards I'd like to see a greater sense of you committing to actually directing your various scenes; for example - the plane takes off, flies over the wall, lands etc are all action sequences that probably could and should be comprised of multiple shots to create tension, drama and a sense of adventure, but you've settled on one panel with a plane and some squiggly lines to show us that it is flying. Your boards are actually much more like key frames - it feels like a lot of info is missing - the guts of it in terms of how audiences might expect to experience your story. I'd like to see you commit much more so to actual sequencing of shots and intercuts that we might expect to see in terms of how your more complex action-y scenes might be structured. This is as true of your 'the monster attacks' sequence - this should be a key moment in your narrative - the reveal of the terrible creature...
Character and environment design: right then, Nelly - it's time to dial up the professionalised approach to designing characters for 3D - which means you need to approach your characters as 'objects in waiting': these are model sheets and this is what you'll need to do in order to fully realise your characters:
http://www.iamag.co/features/itsart/wp-content/uploads/2016/02/cover-simpsons.jpg
http://conceptartempire.com/images/wparchive/model-sheets/73-homer-simpson-model-sheet-circular.jpg
https://orig00.deviantart.net/839a/f/2011/065/7/3/trent___model_sheet_by_s_c-d3auhpl.png
In terms of your environment stuff - remember your world logic is that the toy city must feel like an actual place, so you might need to go more full-on Wreck-It Ralph in terms of deciding that within the toybox it's 'Tardis-like' and environment is more 'designed' and more expansive than building blocks. For example, why would the 'toy hospital' look the way it does in your storyboard if the logic of your world is that it all derives from, well, toys? More like this maybe?
ReplyDeletehttps://i.ytimg.com/vi/_PreDUaNj-U/maxresdefault.jpg
https://i1.wp.com/images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/51ic6MMxdfL.jpg?fit=500%2C350&ssl=1
Don't forget all the lessons learned from term 1 - you need to conceptualise everything in a shot and align it with your visual concept - otherwise you're just drawing stuff (not designing anything). I do think it would help if you decided 'when' your story was taking place - not only in terms of the age and period of your toys (and thereby the age and period of the toy town in terms of its essential look) but also so you design the child's bedroom accordingly - so it's not just a generic space.
So - take another look at your dialogue and the emphasis there; commit to all the required panels in your storyboard to create the shots you need (and your animatic will need by which to communicate) and think about your visual concept a little more and how you might embrace a style and aesthetic more completely. Finally - look at the professional modes of expressing characters in readiness for animation and start considering your various characters as 'objects' whose structures need to be better understood.